Do you know ?

Reading the previous post i wrote was kinda harsh ,sorry but i in a state of MIX emotions and all! Maybe you wont noticed but i find that you're probably getting sick and tired of me . you said you dont wanna disturb me etc...but i guessed you just dont wanna talk to me or there's nth much to talk bout ? righT? too paranoid at times ,i admit but your actions are making me more afraid of many things now .

17july :

After sch i was deciding if i should go look for you . I felt that you left me hanging .I received no texts from you , only tweets to the world i had to find out from there that you want  time out.whole night, whole time in lect i was thinking n thinking....i cldnt slp , i fell ill in the night which u didnt know , i felt terrible...i kept crying and crying....i literally cld feel my heart aching ! i SWEAR !!!! :'( WHY WHY WHY  it hurts so bad why not we just end it right???  but i dont want to . i dont wanna lose you and everything..i sat downstairs your block , stonning and i started crying to myself thinking all that had happened was seriously a nightmare ...went to help you buy food and before i entered ur place i texted u and the replies were encouraging but still i stood outside ur house for another 45 mins, i was afraid, scared and all that might happen.Surprisingly you were happy and all , i' m glad you were happy and all after being angsty at me...i saw the total opposite of me at that time when i saw u, but i'm glad you're happy.i really wanted to talk to you bout this SNOWBALL PROBLEM , 

but when i asked why didnt u text me instead of tweeting all you replied: I DK ! watch tvesssss **** sigh i just gave up talking bout the rest.....

seeing you at that point , made me feel XYZ! i wished u wld hugged me tightly and say dont leave me liked  you did when u were back from taiwan...but this tme round you were the one who wanted to leave ~  but i was touched you gave me medicine & all ~ after i woke up i felt really giddy and still unwell ~

i had to work , i wished i didnt, to have more time with you ! when i left you didnt even text me at all :'(  i felt it was really the end....sigh you will be clubbing later in the night, with ur army friends and with ur clique of gfs~ i'm really not used to it , i cannot accept it but i know to make it work i have try~~~~ 

just i dk why you wont ask me anymore.....i'm too bad to be seen with you infront of your friends??? thats why u know why i feel paranoid and insecure when u kept asking your gfs instead of me...~ not that i wanna tag every single time....! just feel unwanted by you now a days !!~ i need assurance and a good talk bout this :'( if not it will keep on dragging :( 

the only thing stucked in my head is ( you couldnt take my insecurities anymore and it was overbearing ) and all the tweets you tweeted that night....) i really wished you didnt tell the whole world .. it was hurting to see what you said ....

i dk how u cld live your life normally now !? whereas i'm suffering like shit : ( is this my karma ? i'm missing you here and all while you .........sigh guess clubbing is all you're looking forward to now....hopefully we will have a great H2H talk after that .